Picture this: A mother soothes her crying infant in the middle of the night. She rocks her baby gently, but as the minutes lengthen she feels a sting of something uncomfortable. The baby’s cries are grating — not because they are loud — but because they stir a horrific tension within her. She withdraws as her arms stiffen in frustration. As her child continues to cry, memories from her own childhood surface. Her mother frequently withdrew and expressed irritation when she needed soothing as a little girl.
This is a glimpse into how unhealed traumas from a parent’s past can haunt their relationship with their own child. If unaddressed, these relational wounds can quietly shape the attachment dynamics between parent and child, leaving a lasting impact on the younger generation.
In 1975, pioneering child psychoanalysts published a groundbreaking paper titled Ghosts in the Nursery (Fraiberg, Adelson, & Shapiro, 1975). This work illuminated how intergenerational trauma can transmit from one generation to the next. The authors wrote, “The parent who has not consciously remembered the pain of her own childhood, but lives it, re-enacts it, and acts upon it, is in the grip of ghosts” (Fraiberg, Adelson, & Shapiro, 1975, p. 388).
Their findings have since become a cornerstone for understanding attachment trauma and the broader implications of trauma on family systems.
The Cursed Legacy of Trauma
Intergenerational trauma is the family heirloom that nobody wants to inherit. The metaphor of “ghosts in the nursery” illustrates how unhealed childhood wounds, whether related to neglect, abuse, or emotional deprivation, can haunt an individual’s parenting journey. These ghosts “represent the legacies of pain, fear, and unresolved emotions that parents may unwittingly project onto their infants” (Fraiberg, Adelson, & Shapiro, 1975, p. 388).
But how does trauma pass from one generation to the next?
According to the authors, parents suffering from unresolved trauma can engage in defensive coping strategies like repression, denial, and projection. These strategies shield these parents from facing their own unresolved conflicts, undermining their ability to connect emotionally with their child. In the original paper, Fraiberg and her colleagues documented several cases where a parent’s trauma impeded their ability to respond sensitively to their infant’s needs.
One example involved a mother who had been severely neglected in childhood. As a new parent, she unconsciously replicated the emotional distance she experienced growing up. Her baby’s cries triggered feelings of abandonment and frustration, leading her to withdraw emotionally just as her own mother had. Unconscious repetition of the past is a key mechanism through which trauma persists across generations.
Intergenerational trauma is the family heirloom that nobody wants to inherit.
Projection is another response observed in caregiver-infant relationships that are haunted by “ghosts in the nursery.” For example, a parent with unprocessed anger from childhood might project that anger onto their child, interpreting normal infant behavior—like crying or needing comfort—as act of aggression. Distorted perceptions can then lead to distorted reactions, like harsh punishment or emotional withdrawal from the child.
Breaking the Cycle
The good news is that ghosts are not invincible. Fraiberg’s paper offers the possibility that parents can break the cycle of trauma: “When the parent can face these ghosts, can tolerate knowing about the pain and terror in her own past, she can begin to separate the past from the present. In doing so, she frees herself and her child from the chains of repetition” (Fraiberg, Adelson, & Shapiro, 1975, p. 419).
An important therapeutic goal is to help parents separate their past experiences from their current reality. A mother may need to learn, for example, that her child’s demands for attention are not reenactments of her own childhood deprivation, but are normal expressions of infantile need.
Three Strategies for Breaking Intergenerational Trauma
If you’re a therapist or a parent wondering how to address the transmission of trauma across generations, here are three strategies related to Fraiberg’s work which are supported by contemporary research:
- Reparenting: One of the most effective ways to heal from intergenerational trauma is through what therapists call “reparenting.” This involves engaging in a process where the parent learns to care for their inner child. By providing the emotional nurturance that was absent in their own upbringing, parents can develop greater empathy and attunement in their parenting role.
- Reflective Functioning: A key component to breaking the trauma cycle is enhancing a parent’s ability to engage in reflective functioning. This is the capacity to think about their own thoughts and feelings, as well as their child’s. Parents who can reflect on their emotional responses are better equipped to avoid reactive parenting and engage in mindful, attuned interactions with their child.
- Attachment-Focused Therapy: Attachment-based interventions are designed to repair disrupted attachment bonds by fostering healthy communication and emotional attunement between parent and child. These therapies emphasize the importance of nurturing a secure base from which the child can explore their world.
In Ghosts in the Nursery, Fraiberg and her colleagues show us that unresolved trauma doesn’t disappear; it lingers, haunting the present unless it is addressed. The good news is that these ghosts can be confronted:
“Through the work of psychotherapy, these ghosts can be recognized, brought into consciousness, and banished, allowing a new relationship to be built with the child—one unburdened by the parent’s unresolved past” (Fraiberg, Adelson, & Shapiro, 1975, p. 421).
Through awareness and therapeutic support, parents can break the cycle and foster the secure attachments that are essential to a child’s emotional development.
Reference:
Fraiberg, S., Adelson, E., & Shapiro, V. (1975). Ghosts in the Nursery: A Psychoanalytic Approach to the Problems of Impaired Infant-Mother Relationships. Journal of the American Academy of Child Psychiatry, 14(3), 387-421.
