“Grief is like the ocean; it comes in waves, ebbing and flowing. Sometimes the water is calm, and sometimes it is overwhelming. All we can do is learn to swim.” – Vicki Harrison
The death of a loved one by suicide is a harrowing experience that can leave survivors in a state of unspeakable trauma. The emotional toll of suicide loss spans a broad spectrum of guilt, shame, anger, and an agonizing search for answers.How could this happen? What could I have done? Research indicates that individuals grieving suicide are at higher risk of developing post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and prolonged grief disorder (Kenney, 2024). For these reasons, traditional grief counseling may not fully address the traumatic dimensions of their experience.
Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy has emerged as a powerful tool to help survivors of suicide loss navigate their trauma and process disturbing memories. Unlike traditional talk therapy which relies heavily on verbal processing, EMDR taps into the brain’s innate ability to heal itself by targeting the distressing memories that keep survivors stuck in their pain. But how exactly does EMDR support survivors of suicide loss, and why is it such a crucial intervention for this population?
Understanding the Impact of Suicide Loss
Losing a loved one to suicide is unlike any other kind of loss. The grief is often imbued with trauma, as many survivors either witnessed the event, discovered the body, or had recent distressing interactions with the deceased. Research has shown that survivors of suicide loss are at an increased risk for mental health challenges, including depression, PTSD, and suicidal ideation (Jordan, 2015). Moreover, many survivors experience intense guilt, believing they should have seen the signs or done something to prevent the loss.
John Jordan, a leading expert in suicide postvention, emphasizes that “suicide postvention is suicide prevention” (Jordan, 2015). This means that by offering survivors appropriate interventions, we can not only support their healing but also reduce their own risk of suicide. EMDR therapy plays a critical role in this process by helping survivors reprocess their memories, break free from cycles of self-blame, and integrate their loss in a way that allows them to move forward.
Why EMDR Works for Suicide Loss Survivors
EMDR therapy operates on the Adaptive Information Processing (AIP) model, which posits that unprocessed traumatic memories are stored maladaptively in the brain, leading to emotional distress, negative self-beliefs, and symptoms of PTSD. Suicide loss survivors often have memories tied to the death that are deeply tormenting—whether it’s the moment they received the news, last interactions with their loved one, or the scene of the suicide itself. These memories, when not fully processed, can keep survivors trapped in their distress.
Through EMDR these memories are targeted and reprocessed in a way that allows the brain to integrate them adaptively. Survivors can move from thoughts like, “It’s my fault” to “I did the best I could.” They can also reduce the vividness and emotional charge of traumatic memories, making them more bearable to live with.
Key EMDR Techniques for Suicide Loss Survivors
1. Reducing the Vividness of Traumatic Memories
Many survivors struggle with intrusive images, flashbacks, and vivid memories related to the suicide. EMDR utilizes Bilateral Stimulation (BLS) to help process these memories in a way that decreases their emotional intensity. A survivor who keeps replaying the moment they found out about their loved one’s death may find that, after EMDR sessions, the memory no longer triggers overwhelming distress.
2. Addressing Survivor Guilt with Cognitive Interweaves
Survivors often carry an immense burden of guilt, feeling that they missed warning signs or should have done more. Cognitive interweaves—strategic interventions used within EMDR—can be particularly effective in shifting these deeply held beliefs. A therapist might ask:
- “If a friend were in your situation, what would you tell them?”
- “Can you think of a moment when you did show love and support?”
- “What is another possible explanation for why your loved one made this choice?”
These interweaves help survivors develop a more compassionate and reality-based perspective on their role in the loss.
3. Targeting the ‘Big Why’ and Unanswered Questions
One of the most heartwrenching aspects of suicide loss is the relentless search for answers. Survivors often ruminate on “Why did this happen?” and “Why didn’t I see the signs?” This can lead to a cycle of unprocessed grief and anguish. EMDR helps shift these unanswered questions into a more adaptive narrative, moving from a desperate search for answers to a place of acceptance.
4. Strengthening Resources for Emotional Regulation
Because suicide loss is such an intense and overwhelming experience, many survivors struggle with emotional dysregulation. EMDR includes a preparation phase where therapists work with clients to strengthen positive resources—such as grounding techniques, calm place imagery, and self-compassion exercises—that help them manage overwhelming feelings inside and outside of sessions.
Final Thoughts
Losing a loved one to suicide is a tragic event that can feel isolating and impossible to navigate. EMDR therapy offers a unique approach to help survivors process the pain, untangle the threads of the experience, and integrate their experience.
As a trauma therapist, I have found that EMDR helps me not just bear witness to this type of grief but also to provide the support, tools, and space needed for true healing. If you or someone you love is carrying the weight of suicide loss, know that healing is possible. You don’t have to do this alone.
References
Burbank, L., Yap, S., Purdon, S. E., et al. (2024). Randomized controlled trial investigating web-based, therapist-delivered eye movement desensitization and reprocessing for adults with suicidal ideation. Frontiers in Psychiatry, 15, 1361086.
Fereidouni, Z., Behnammoghadam, M., Jahanfar, A., & Dehghan, A. (2019). The effect of eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) on the severity of suicidal thoughts in patients with major depressive disorder: A randomized controlled trial. Neuropsychiatric Disease and Treatment, 15, 2459–2466.
Kenney, M. (2024). EMDR and suicide postvention. Go With That, 29(3).
van Bentum, K., et al. (2023). Targeting suicidal flashforwards using EMDR. Journal of Trauma Studies, 8(4), 315-328.
